Grossed Out! The Unlikely Death of Networking
Ask anyone in business where they get their best customers and somewhere in the first few sentences you’ll hear “word of mouth”. Ask anyone, anywhere how they found their favorite restaurant and it will likely be by referral. Even our best friends are often the result of meeting through others.
What you’ve just witnessed is the power of networking in tbe lives of people. And yet, everywhere you turn, networking is under siege. Local Chambers of Commerce are eliminating networking at an alarming rate. Some network marketing companies are giving networking a blemish, and major publications and business experts decry networking as an evil means to an end. It isn’t hard to find someone cheerfully announcing the death of networking.
And it comes as no surprise. For many, networking isn’t something that comes naturally. It’s awkward walking into a room full of people and finding your place. In the grocery line we do our best to keep our eyes on our carts to avoid a chance meeting with someone we don’t know. Networking is, as one person recently told me, “As foreign to me as brain surgery”.
In a recent article on FastCompany.com, Samantha Cole leads with “Why Networking Makes You Feel Physically Gross”. It seems that all that discomfort you’ve been feeling when networking is manifesting itself physically in a not-so-good way. Perhaps you’ve felt it.
The article sites a University of Toronto study that finds we feel “icky” after networking. It goes on to surmise that networking forms relationships based on our, “…dirtiest motivations: Money and power.” More on that in a moment, but first, let’s dig a bit deeper into the study.
While the article doesn’t tell us specifically who participated in the study, it does conclude that people playing fill in the gaps word games are more likely to come up with words like “wash”, “soap”, and “shower” after what they refer to as “selfish networking moments.” You can read the complete article here: http://bit.ly/1q6MM3F
Further, they asked a whopping 165 lawyers about their networking habits and found that those who were most powerful were “less grossed out” by networking than those who were less powerful. Notice the inference is that they were all grossed out, just those with power were “less grossed out”.
But perhaps the most telling line in the article is found in the final paragraph. It suggests you’ll feel “less slimy” if you “change your perspective—and your approach—to finding connections that genuinely do interest you beyond professional gain.”
This is where so many get genuine networking wrong. They just can’t help but come back to it being all about themselves. Notice the article suggests you find people interested in you, not you finding people you are interested in. Is this any less sincere? Isn’t this just as “dirty” a motive?
You can’t feel “less slimy” when you are focusing on yourself. Genuine networking is interested in self, but consumed with others. When you know how to be genuine in your networking endeavors, you approach each meeting , whether in a room full of people or in the grocery check-out with a genuine interest in others and a servant heart. You know that you will get what you need by helping others get what they want.
And here’s a news alert for you: Money and power aren’t intrinsically “dirty”. While there are those who obtain money and power illegitimately, more often money is a measure of service you’ve provided. Those with power in a community earn it through service. It never fails, serve others and they’ll reward you. If you’ll only focus on serving others they will cheerfully give you everything you need.
Which brings us back to the beginning. Where do you go to find what you need? Serve others and the answers will appear. And since most people are interested in themselves and their needs, there is a big opportunity out there for those who have a servant heart. Networking to find what people need and how you can help them get it is the best way to find your place of service.
So while figures and studies continue to confirm networking’s death, there will still be those who know the truth: Networking, genuine networking, is alive and well and will be for as long as humans communicate.
Why Networking is a Waste of Time
If you think you’ll build your business this year by doing more networking, think again. Nearly all time networking is time wasted.
You might not think the author of three books on networking would say networking is a waste of time, but after twenty years of studying networking, after attending and facilitating over 3000 networking events, and after hearing over 10,000 networking self introductions in just one year alone, I’m comfortable telling you most networking is a waste of time.
Why is networking a waste of time? Networking is just a vehicle. Like the automobile in your driveway, the vehicle itself wastes most of its time sitting. It may look good, it might even bring some admirers, but until you get behind the wheel and drive the car, it goes no place.
And neither will you if all you do is network. Networking provides the vehicle to connect one with people and resources needed to solve problems. Truly effective networking is the vehicle you should use to solve the problems your friends and acquaintances have. This is when networking is useful.
Too many people go to networking events to sell their stuff. They foolishly look at the room and think of all the people in the room they might sell. That’s not networking, that’s one-to-one selling. It’s like your car in the driveway. It may look good, but only you can use it. You might sell it once to someone else, but that’s the extent of its value. Only the best equipped sales person is successful in this type of “networking”.
Some “networkers” walk in the room and think, “This will be a great resource for referrals.” As they meet people they explain what they do and cleverly ask, “Who do you know that I should meet?” They get leads and perhaps even a sale, but once again the focus is on them. It’s just like a car you wish to sell, you can ask everyone if they know someone who wants to buy it, but the likelihood of finding a match is slim. You’ll get a lead only when your product or service is an exact match for someone.
But true networkers approach things differently. They understand that the real value of networking is in building relationships. They approach the room differently. “I wonder whom I’ll meet that needs to know someone I know” is their frame of reference. They give and give and give. Like the car, instead of letting people look at it or even selling it to them, they give everyone a ride where they wish to go, free of charge.
Some people will take the ride and barely say thank you. Like the people who look at your car, these are the takers. You don’t want to be one of them.
Some people will take the ride and offer to buy your car. These are the buyers. You’ll get them either way since your product or service solves their needs. You don’t want to target them since they’ll come either way.
Some still will offer to drive next time. These are the givers. And only a giver can attract a giver. These are the people you should be seeking in the networking environment.
Givers will immediately identify you as a giver and they’ll give to you as well. They’ll become friends. And friends buy from and refer friends to friends. And so do their friends. This is what is called networking.
As you begin to refocus your efforts decide now to be a giver and a friend. Approach networking with the intention to give and you’ll attract others who give. And everyone will win.
What the Movers and Shakers Know That You Don't - Volunteering Does More Than Make You Feel Good
One of the best kept secrets of the movers and shakers is that volunteering is a powerful way to improve you business and your life. There is nothing more powerful than a group of people pulling together for a common cause. When you work side by side with another person in an effort you both care about, you will find that forces seen and unseen will work in your favor to bring you closer together.
Volunteering differs from taking a leadership role in that volunteers do the heavy lifting. They function in an operational manner. They do the planning, coordinating, and directing others. These are the unsung heroes of the event that went off without a hitch, the issue that was tackled and defeated, and the community that was changed for the better. Volunteers make our lives better and we couldn't live or function without them.
You can get started by simply offering to be a greeter at the reception table at the next event you attend. Or you can offer to serve in a role at your local chamber of commerce, service club, or school. There are more opportunities than one can count to volunteer and make a difference.
When choosing how to serve, consider the things that you are passionate about. While serving your industry group will reap rewards in your business life, serving with other people who share your passion for a cause will bring you personal rewards and satisfaction. And don't fail to recognize the opportunities you'll be given to expand your business with the people you will meet who will be interested in you since you share a common interest in a cause.
But don't be too anxious to do business. You will have access to people that you could never get to through normal business channels. When you serve with others who care about what you care about, you will be amazed at the different people you will easily meet and spend time with. Volunteering gives you access to people you may otherwise never get close to and better still, it gives you the commonality that builds relationships. Do not abuse this opportunity by trying to sell.
The best approach is to get to know the people you are volunteering with and let them get to know you. Once they know you, they will like you, and your co-service will lead them to trust you. You won't have to ask for the business, they will naturally bring the business to you. You will be a trusted resource they will go to and lead others to when they find a need for your products or services.
Remember that you should volunteer to serve a cause or group you have a passion for and you will find that business will naturally happen. In the process you will find personal fulfillment, new friends, and bigger business opportunities. Friends do business together.
Observe the Multiple Networking Group Law: No Double-Dipping
As you begin to find success in networking you will undoubtedly expand your network to include more than one group. Becoming active in several networking groups focused on varying interest, geography, or industry is a wise move that will broaden your exposure and increase your effectiveness. We encourage and highly recommend that you are involved in more than one group, chamber of commerce, or both.
With expanded exposure comes the opportunity to share your network with a wider variety of people. You will provide more solutions to more people and they will provide you with more connections. Your network will grow. This benefits you, your network, and your new networking partners.
However there is one rule that you must never violate if you are to succeed in multiple groups. Never under any circumstances give two people in the same business the same referral. If your friend Sam is buying a new house, you cannot refer Sam to two mortgage brokers in different groups. That is just like double-dipping chips at a party; you just shouldn't do it. It is not cool and everyone gets hurt when you share the same referral with two people in the same industry.
Your friend Sam gets a mixed message and begins to feel like he is just a number to you. He is likely to think you are not trying to help him as much as you are trying to help yourself. The two mortgage brokers end up embarrassed and looking like little more than glad-handing salespeople. And you end up with a loss of credibility that will lead to fewer referrals and potential expulsion from both groups.
But do not be confused. It is appropriate and desirable to share the same referral with solution providers in similar but different industries. You most definitely should share Sam's name with one mortgage broker, one realtor, one insurance agent, and one moving company provided you know that Sam has an interest or need for these services. Your knowledge of Sam's needs is a direct result of your relationship with Sam.
Your relationship with Sam may not be close enough for you to know all his needs and interests. You may have recently met Sam and you only know he is in the market for a new home. It stands to reason he may have a need a mortgage broker, insurance agent, realtor, and mover. But you are not close enough to Sam to know for certain. You should still share Sam's name with one provider for each service from your network. In doing so be clear with each person that Sam is a lead, not a referral. In either case, sending resources to Sam that can solve his problems helps him, the referral partners, and you.
Understanding how and when to share referrals is essential to your success in networking and in life. Observing the law of "no double-dipping" will ensure you have greater success.