Grossed Out! The Unlikely Death of Networking

Business Networking

Ask anyone in business where they get their best customers and somewhere in the first few sentences you’ll hear “word of mouth”. Ask anyone, anywhere how they found their favorite restaurant and it will likely be by referral. Even our best friends are often the result of meeting through others.

 

What you’ve just witnessed is the power of networking in tbe lives of people. And yet, everywhere you turn, networking is under siege. Local Chambers of Commerce are eliminating networking at an alarming rate. Some network marketing companies are giving networking a blemish, and major publications and business experts decry networking as an evil means to an end. It isn’t hard to find someone cheerfully announcing the death of networking.

 

And it comes as no surprise. For many, networking isn’t something that comes naturally. It’s awkward walking into a room full of people and finding your place. In the grocery line we do our best to keep our eyes on our carts to avoid a chance meeting with someone we don’t know.   Networking is, as one person recently told me, “As foreign to me as brain surgery”.

 

In a recent article on FastCompany.com, Samantha Cole leads with “Why Networking Makes You Feel Physically Gross”. It seems that all that discomfort you’ve been feeling when networking is manifesting itself physically in a not-so-good way. Perhaps you’ve felt it.

 

The article sites a University of Toronto study that finds we feel “icky” after networking. It goes on to surmise that networking forms relationships based on our, “…dirtiest motivations: Money and power.” More on that in a moment, but first, let’s dig a bit deeper into the study.

 

While the article doesn’t tell us specifically who participated in the study, it does conclude that people playing fill in the gaps word games are more likely to come up with words like “wash”, “soap”, and “shower” after what they refer to as “selfish networking moments.” You can read the complete article here: http://bit.ly/1q6MM3F

 

Further, they asked a whopping 165 lawyers about their networking habits and found that those who were most powerful were “less grossed out” by networking than those who were less powerful.  Notice the inference is that they were all grossed out, just those with power were “less grossed out”.

 

But perhaps the most telling line in the article is found in the final paragraph. It suggests you’ll feel “less slimy” if you “change your perspective—and your approach—to finding connections that genuinely do interest you beyond professional gain.”

 

This is where so many get genuine networking wrong. They just can’t help but come back to it being all about themselves. Notice the article suggests you find people interested in you, not you finding people you are interested in. Is this any less sincere? Isn’t this just as “dirty” a motive?

 

You can’t feel “less slimy” when you are focusing on yourself. Genuine networking is interested in self, but consumed with others. When you know how to be genuine in your networking endeavors, you approach each meeting , whether in a room full of people or in the grocery check-out with a genuine interest in others and a servant heart. You know that you will get what you need by helping others get what they want.

 

And here’s a news alert for you: Money and power aren’t intrinsically “dirty”. While there are those who obtain money and power illegitimately, more often money is a measure of service you’ve provided. Those with power in a community earn it through service. It never fails, serve others and they’ll reward you. If you’ll only focus on serving others they will cheerfully give you everything you need.

 

Which brings us back to the beginning. Where do you go to find what you need? Serve others and the answers will appear. And since most people are interested in themselves and their needs, there is a big opportunity out there for those who have a servant heart. Networking to find what people need and how you can help them get it is the best way to find your place of service.

 

So while figures and studies continue to confirm networking’s death, there will still be those who know the truth: Networking, genuine networking, is alive and well and will be for as long as humans communicate.


Why Networking is a Waste of Time

If you think you’ll build your business this year by doing more networking, think again. Nearly all time networking is time wasted.

handshakeYou might not think the author of three books on networking would say networking is a waste of time, but after twenty years of studying networking, after attending and facilitating over 3000 networking events, and after hearing over 10,000 networking self introductions in just one year alone, I’m comfortable telling you most networking is a waste of time.

Why is networking a waste of time?  Networking is just a vehicle.  Like the automobile in your driveway, the vehicle itself wastes most of its time sitting.  It may look good, it might even bring some admirers, but until you get behind the wheel and drive the car, it goes no place.

And neither will you if all you do is network.  Networking provides the vehicle to connect one with people and resources needed to solve problems.  Truly effective networking is the vehicle you should use to solve the problems your friends and acquaintances have.  This is when networking is useful.

Too many people go to networking events to sell their stuff.  They foolishly look at the room and think of all the people in the room they might sell.  That’s not networking, that’s one-to-one selling.  It’s like your car in the driveway.  It may look good, but only you can use it.  You might sell it once to someone else, but that’s the extent of its value.  Only the best equipped sales person is successful in this type of “networking”.

Some “networkers” walk in the room and think, “This will be a great resource for referrals.”  As they meet people they explain what they do and cleverly ask, “Who do you know that I should meet?”  They get leads and perhaps even a sale, but once again the focus is on them.  It’s just like a car you wish to sell, you can ask everyone if they know someone who wants to buy it, but the likelihood of finding a match is slim.  You’ll get a lead only when your product or service is an exact match for someone.

But true networkers approach things differently.  They understand that the real value of networking is in building relationships.  They approach the room differently.  “I wonder whom I’ll meet that needs to know someone I know” is their frame of reference.  They give and give and give.  Like the car, instead of letting people look at it or even selling it to them, they give everyone a ride where they wish to go, free of charge.

Some people will take the ride and barely say thank you.  Like the people who look at your car, these are the takers.  You don’t want to be one of them.

Some people will take the ride and offer to buy your car.  These are the buyers.  You’ll get them either way since your product or service solves their needs.  You don’t want to target them since they’ll come either way.

Some still will offer to drive next time.  These are the givers.  And only a giver can attract a giver.  These are the people you should be seeking in the networking environment.

Givers will immediately identify you as a giver and they’ll give to you as well.  They’ll become friends.  And friends buy from and refer friends to friends.  And so do their friends.  This is what is called networking.

As you begin to refocus your efforts decide now to be a giver and a friend.  Approach networking with the intention to give and you’ll attract others who give.  And everyone will win.


The Elevator Speech - How to Ensure Your Message Is Heard in Any Crowd

Attend networking events and before long you will have the opportunity to introduce yourself to a crowd.  While what you say is very important, how you say it will determine if your carefully crafted message (your Magical Networking Moment) will be heard.  It's not as simple as speaking loudly enough to be heard.

Most people intuitively know that they must speak up in front of a crowd, especially in a large room without a microphone.  But even the most seasoned speaker has limited experience with different acoustical characteristics. Flooring, ceiling material, furnishings, and wall coverings play a role in how well your voice will carry in a room.

A good rule of thumb is to remember that the harder the surface, the more your voice will carry and be reflected.  You will need to speak louder in rooms with carpet, soft wall coverings, abundant plush seating, and textured ceiling tile since these materials will absorb sound.  Conversely, you will speak softer and more slowly in a school cafeteria where you will find hard floors, chairs, tables, and ceiling materials since your voice will carry and even echo is some situations.

Regardless of venue, every event has its share of soft-spoken folks who fail to be heard. Here are a few tips to ensure that you will be heard every time you introduce yourself.

1.    Get there early.  If you arrive early you can test your voice in the room.  This will ensure that you will be loud enough, but it will also ensure that you won't be too loud too.
2.    Choose your seat carefully.  Choose a seat near the front of the room or at least on the perimeter of the crowd.  You don't want to have your back to anyone.
3.    Be ready when it is your turn and stand up.  Read my previous articles on Stand, Pause, Breathe, Lean Forward, and Speak Loud Enough to be Heard.
4.    Slow down!  Most people speak too fast and therefore do not enunciate properly.  While you know exactly what you are talking about, the audience doesn't.  Give the listener time to grasp what you are saying.
5.    Remember that less is more.  Give the audience only one or two points to remember. Chances are they will not remember much.

It is important to remember your goal.  You want others to come up to you and ask for more information.  You cannot and should not try to be all things to all people.  If you carefully craft your message and deliver it with the proper volume and pace, you will find that you will attract all the right people.  Following the tips above will ensure that the right people will hear you in every crowd.


The Moment of Truth: Being Worthy of Referrals - It's All About Follow Up

Something magical happens when you begin to attend networking events.  People begin to give you leads and referrals.  Many have been fortunate to have met someone who wanted to do business right away.  Others have met someone at a networking event that should be a part of their networking circle.  And still others have met that rare individual who just hears what they do and knows someone who needs their product or service.  It happens.  And when it does it is a beautiful thing.

Other times you have worked hard for the opportunity.  You have attended events, met people and delivered a great elevator pitch (Magical Networking Moment).  Through planning your networking and working your plan you have received leads and referrals.

Now comes the moment of truth.  What happens when you meet someone or when someone gives you a lead or referral?  What will you do with what you have been given? Most leads, referrals, and opportunities die.  Most people never follow up or follow through.  It's sad but true.  Nothing will shut referrals down faster than lack of action on your part.  The referral you have received will die.  Worse still, because you will be known as someone who doesn't follow up, you won't receive more referrals either.

The good news is you can stand out in most any crowd by being the exception.  Simply by following up puts you in an elite class.  Following up shows respect for the referral.  It shows respect for the person who gave you the referral and it shows respect for you, your company, and everyone's time.  And following up is easy.  You have tools at your disposal that make managing contacts a snap.  You must use them.

While it is the least effective, a simple email can get the follow up process going.  Be aware that email isn't what it used to be.  Most people get at least fifty emails a day, so your email may not receive priority.  Using email alone is better than most, but not enough to reach the most valuable prospects.  Email does have it's place in the follow up process.  It provides an easy way to connect and it provides a simple management tool for contact information.  Use email to make quick, consistent contact with people.

Incorporate snail mail options too.  Since we get more email today, many forget that regular mail is a powerful tool.  The use of letters, lumpy mail (mail with something inside that makes the envelope beg to be opened), and hand written cards and notes is powerful.  For those who simply cannot seem to get this done, programs like Send Out Cards can do this for you.  Regular mail is an easy way to stand out from the crowd.

One other tool often overlooked is the telephone.  Make use of the phone wisely.  When you call, treat the gatekeeper (if there is one) like you would want to be treated.  Engage them by using their name and by telling them who you are and why you are calling.  It is best to ask for an introductory call when you have been referred. This coupled with courtesy for the gatekeeper will usually ensure your call gets through.  And when leaving messages make them short and to the point.  Your name, your phone number, who suggested you call, your name and phone number again should suffice.  Don't try to sell them on calling you back or your product or service in a message.  The referral should result in a return call.

Having a plan and process that you put every referral through will ensure that you are known as someone who follows up.  Using email, regular mail, the telephone, and courtesy for the gatekeeper will show everyone that you are a professional and worthy of referrals.  Being worthy means more referrals and more business.  So make it happen, follow up.


Knock, Knock! Know Who Is There At Networking Events: Business After Hours (BAH)

Perhaps the one event that has done more to ease people into networking is the business after hours.  A staple of chambers of commerce and associations, the business after hours usually attracts the largest crowds and the most diverse audience.  Knowing what to expect is crucial to success at a business after hours (BAH for short).

The major difference between a BAH and all other networking events is alcohol.  Most BAHs will have at least beer and wine and many will have mixed drinks as well.  This creates a more relaxed atmosphere where people will let their guard down and be more social.  Work is over, the drinks are flowing, and people loosen up quite a bit.  BAHs can be very powerful opportunities.

However BAHs can create the biggest risk as well.  Most BAHs will be held immediately following work.  Intoxication happens more quickly when you drink on an empty stomach.  While it is rare that anyone gets really drunk at BAHs, many will have their judgment impaired by alcohol.  So a word of caution:  Drink with care and beware of those who have been drinking.

Of course there will usually be food available at a BAH.  The trick is to manage food and drink all while standing since most BAHs are held in a cocktail-party atmosphere.  It is equally important not to appear gluttonous by remaining near the buffet for too long.  Since this is a social event, more focus will be put on your social skills.  You must be aware that, like it or not, people do watch and people do talk.  Everything is amplified when you add alcohol to the mix.

Do not be mistaken.  This article is not intended to discourage you from attending BAHs.  Quite the contrary.  BAHs will attract attendees that you cannot reach at any other function.  All the high profile executives will attend as will the busy entrepreneurs and solo practitioners.  The BAH is the one event where you truly can meet most anyone you wish.

Knowing how to meet people, what to say when you meet them, and how to meet the right people at an event will be critical skills necessary for success when attending BAHs.  Remember that you should focus on others not yourself and that the conversations you hold should be designed to determine if you are meeting someone that you should get to know better.  Be social, meet several people, and then determine the three to five folks that you can help and that can help you.  Talk with them a bit longer and be sure to get their business card to follow up.

Remember these general rules about business after hours events:  Most are powerful opportunities.  The smaller the event the more likely you are to make a great connection.  The more focused you are the more likely you are to meet the right person. Therefore, eat before you arrive, skip the alcohol, and be clear who you are looking for.  By following these rules you will always leave the event with connections that count and a clear head.